At the beginning of my journey I knew I would be the tortoise, at least for a while. Justin's accident was such an unexpected shock and came at a point in his life when everything was coming together for him. I went from happiness to despair in seconds.
But after the funeral with a lot of help from my husband, my rock, and some family members I was able to start the healing process. This was a hare period. Then came a second trip to Phoenix to take care of Justin's affairs. It was a major setback. It was a tortoise period; a long one.
Then came the Celebration of Life in August in Omaha organized by Justin's friends and extended family. I thank them with all my heart, yet it was another big setback. It felt like another funeral. I continued in the tortoise shell.
Early September was easier with Kaden's visit. (Maggie's son.) I went back to a hare until the Medical Examiner's report arrived. I could have avoided that but I needed to know everything. I needed to know if he was otherwise healthy and he was, very much so. Then the Police Report arrived yesterday. 43 pages of detail that, again, I could have avoided but I had to know about the last minutes of my son's life. Today a phone call from the Prescott Valley Police Department asking me what personal effects I wanted mailed to me. The phone call affected me more than I thought it would. It set off a meltdown. But the cry was cathartic. I am dreading receiving the package but I want his watch, his phone, his wallet, even the the flip flop that fell off during his transport to the ambulance. I'm afraid I'll be in tortoise mode for a while yet. I guess that's to be expected since it's only been 4 months.
I have my compassionate husband to lean on and my Compassionate Friends who acknowledge understanding with just a look.
I know that when all the business is finally transacted and things settle down once again I will become the hare.
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