What now?

I ask myself what now? What do I do next? How do I fill the time until darkness turns to light? 
This is a lonely time. The cards and letters have stopped coming. I feel as though people are forgetting my son. But what I feel and what truly is are two different things.
Justin's friends in Omaha have put together an event in late August, around his birthday, to celebrate his life. They have not forgotten and I am very touched and grateful that they have done this and that I can be a part of it. 
It is partly a remembrance, partly a birthday party and partly a fund raiser for his young boys. I'm working on a lap quilt to donate for an auction. As I was working on it yesterday I found myself counting the stitches. There was no need to count. I wasn't working on a pattern; just edging the blocks by machine. I don't know if it was the conscious or subconscious mind trying to put order to a world that no longer makes sense to me. 
I was talking to Justin on the phone the day I completed the quilt top. I called it The Happy Quilt to brighten my living room. Now it will be donated to a cause; in loving memory. I still call it The Happy Quilt because I was when I put it together. And my hope is that whomever gets the quilt will be made happier by it's vibrant colors. 
Working on it fills my afternoons and brings back the memory of my last conversation with Justin the day before the accident. The dialogue between us was lovely. It always was. We expressed our love for one another and ended by saying, "Talk to you later." This is later and I do still talk to him just as I've done with Maggie for the past 10 years. 
I was asked if the memories of them fade. They don't. Everything is still very vivid when I visit those places. Sights, sounds and aromas are still as photographically ingrained into my memory as if it was yesterday that we were together.  
I'm living now for the event in August. When that is over I will need to become more creative to pass the time from darkness into light.