At some point in our grieving process we become angry. It may come right away or it may take a few weeks to a few months. Depending on our circumstances there may be someone to blame but most times there just isn't so we hold those temper tantrums in. I don't recommend doing that. It festers like a boil and grows. From my experience when my daughter died I was angry with her for not listening to me when I told her not to skydive. But how could I blame her when I'd done risky things against my parents' advice? Then I became angry with God for taking her from me. I lost my faith. That lasted 20 minutes and they were the loneliest 20 minutes of my life. The truth is we simply don't have the answer to why these things happen. It's frustrating and brings about anger. I'm angry now that two of my three children are gone. I don't understand the "why" and there is no one with the answer. We get platitudes, don't we? "God needed another angel." "The good die young." "God plucked a beautiful flower from his garden for his table." "He or she is at peace now." "He or she isn't suffering any more." That's fine for the person who passed but what about the living who have to go on without our loved ones?
Here are a few of the ways I learned to express my anger:
1) Pound the mattress with your fists
2) Close your windows and scream and cry to your heart's content
3) Go to the thrift store and buy glass dishes. Throw and break them in the outside trash can. There is no mess to clean up afterward.
4) Kick or throw a plastic wash bucket. It makes noise but doesn't hurt anything.
5) If you don't need noise, throw sponges, a lot of them.
6) Tear up old newspapers or magazines.
7) Pound nails into an old piece of wood.
8) Clean out your closet or another trouble spot in your home.
9) Lie on the bed and kick your legs and flail your arms
10) Vent your anger with a friend but not someone who is grieving with you. Choose someone who is somewhat detached. Phone calls are just as good as in person.
11) Write your feelings down. We own our feelings. They are not right or wrong. Get them on paper or in a file on your computer. Hide the file or notebook so there is no fear of it being found. You will want to honestly express what you're feeling without fear of being judged.
12) Seek counseling or a grief support group. This was listed last because we have to wait for an appointment or wait for the group to meet. I think it's very important to be part of a group or have a good counselor. But sometimes our anger overwhelms us and we need a quick outlet.
I hope at least one of my suggestions helps you release your pent up anger. As I've stated I'm not an expert on anything. This is my second round of losing a child and they work for me. Let us have a little peace in our new lives. God Bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment